Tis the time of the semester where school work starts to get sloppy and my body/mind becomes sluggish. Cold weather prevents me from venturing outside of my apartment, except on the occasional need for more food and the required attendance in classes. Ironically enough, this has also caused me to be restless, annoyed and easily bored. I have become useless in the art of sitting and watching movies, a sad fact considering my major.
Another thing I realized the other day, something that has been nagging me in the back of my mind for the last few years. Anyone within arms length distance would have probably already heard this, but here is my bitch-speal once again:
1) I am useless in the form of leadership. I couldn't make myself heard/noticed in a crowd if I tried, much less trying to control one.
2) I am physically and mentally unable to take failure/criticism well, or at all for that matter. If told right to my face that I suck at something I enjoy doing, I would probably end up convulsing face-down on the floor.
So why am I trying to get a career in the film industry???
I know, I could just tell people to go fuck themselves and not care what anyone else thinks because no one else's opinion matters but my own and......blah-ditty-blah-blah. Easier said then done, considering I mentally fight that battle everyday. I've gotten better within my years, but it's still there, lingering, like a really bad smell.
I also noticed that I put thoughts into people's heads, basically I try and assume what their thoughts are about me, which is not always positive. We make fun of my friend Heather for doing this out loud herself, but I think I know how she feels when she does it. I consider it my defense mechanism, beating other people to the negative thoughts before they do. I know, it doesn't make sense out loud and I'm horrible at explaining things.
So yeah, this is once again me nearing the end of a semester and I'm once again stuck in the whole whats-gonna-happen-in-the-future? mode. This happens to me every year and this semseter, despite how great everything has been going, doesn't seem to be any different.
1 comment:
Hey hun, I totally agree with you about everything about the semesters at school. I used to think that university would get me somewhere and after four years I will finally be graduating, but for what? It seems like we are led to believe that university life will help you in your future, but it really doesn't. It just sucks out your money and your patience and your sanity, then spits you out to figure it all out on your own. But don't worry, when it's all over we can all get together for a toga dance!!!!!!
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